The Gift

Karl D. Stephan,
Electrical Engineering,
Texas State

[October 2, 2011]–

For too long, I have viewed my life as two distinct worlds, increasingly separated.

In the university, I am generally in control in the classroom, and if things don’t go well in my research, at least I can decide what to try next.

Back at home, things have been completely different since my father-in-law came to live with us. He lacks short term memory and can no longer live independently. Television seems to makes sense despite his impairment, so his set is on all the time. That noise became a constant annoyance to me.

Tangible Help

Then my wife’s 10-year-old nephew came to live with us this summer. His mother faces a life-threatening illness and underwent a bone-marrow transplant. Our caregiving was a tangible way we could help her, far better than any gift. As fall approached, my wife, her father and her nephew moved two states away so the child could be in school near his home.

This has left me in complete control of my home life: there isn’t any to speak of. To maximize my work life, I could stay in the lab until midnight five days a week. But I have not chosen to do that.

Instead, the day my wife left I drove from San Marcos to at an out-of-the-way ranch near the Texas coast. There is a retreat center on the ranch operated by a monastic order. At the grand old stucco mansion the only sounds are the wind, birds, insects, and the dinner bell. A rule of silence is observed – no one talks.

During my retreat I was rewarded with sighting wild turkeys roosting near my cabin, a deer and her fawn dozing in the afternoon heat a dozen steps from my door, and hawks soaring high above the mesquite trees as the red ball of the sun settled below the horizon.

All of Me

Since my return from the retreat, I have avoided television, the radio, and most websites except for job-related emails and such. I have spent the weekdays working, but now I deliberately don’t work at all at home after 5 pm. I consider it a warm-up exercise for when my wife returns. When she’s back, I want all of me to be here, rather than the leftovers from my job.

Isaiah 30:15 (NIV) says:
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,…”

This separation from my family, though difficult in many ways, has been a strange kind of gift. For my wife to help her sister and father, both of us had to be willing to sacrifice. Such self-sacrifice is not instinctive to me. I have learned that being quiet, turning to God, resting, and trusting is how I found the strength to do it.

September and early October for so many of us is terribly busy, whether with class preps, student advising or the deadlines of research and publishing. God’s peace is always ours for the taking; we only need stop long enough to become aware of His presence.

© 2011  Karl Stephan
photo © Faculty Commons

No Superhero

Eileen Buss,
Entomology and Nematology,
University of Florida

[Feb 20, 2011] —






Will I ever be good enough?


At times I can be overwhelmed by wearing different hats:

As an associate professor:
Do I bring in grant funding, am I publishing enough, are my teaching evaluations high enough? Which honors or prestigious awards have I earned?

In our economic climate:
As budgets shrink, faculty and staff positions are left vacant, competition for resources increases, and the number of hours in a day remains the same, will I be able to get it all done?

As a wife and mother:
Do I serve my family, do I spend time with them, and am I taking care of their needs? Should I quit and be a stay-at-home-mom while my kids are young?

At church:
Do I teach Sunday School classes or Bible studies, do my kids behave like angels, do I bake goodies for a bake sale, have we joined the church, do I pray or fast, and do I tithe?

In the eyes of other women:
Am I right to send my children to daycare and public school? Am I better than “traditional women” because I have a Ph.D? Should a Christian woman teach in a male-dominated biological science?

As a Christian professor:
Will people know that I’m a Christian if I have a WWJD bumper sticker, necklace or bracelet? Is that enough? Am I compassionate and nurturing towards my colleagues, students, and clientele or am I demanding, impatient, and unforgiving?

Fractured Attention

This fracture of attention not only makes the juggling of life harder, but also pulls my attention away from God. Insidious thoughts of inadequacy creep into my thinking and make it harder to be confident: How long can I keep up this pace? Will other people see Christ in me if I live in defeat and exhaustion?

I have finally accepted reality – I will never be a superhero. Yet life without a cape and super powers doesn’t mean that I have to live in defeat.

I can still live a life worthy of the Lord; I can still live with joy. Joy is a gladness of heart, a fruit of the Spirit that fills me when I trust God. Everlasting, abundant, inexpressible – such joy completes me. (Gal 5:22, 23; Isa 51:11; II Cor 8:2; I Pet 1:8; I Jn 1:4).

Happiness, on the other hand, depends on circumstances and can change when something doesn’t turn out right. I can’t control that. I may not be able to live up to all the standards of personal or professional peers the way that I would like to, but if I am obedient to God (John 13: 15, 17), then things will work out. Maybe not the way I expect, but undoubtedly in a way that will glorify the Lord.

© 2011 Eileen Buss
© istockphoto

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